My Hair Dye Doesn’t Match The Furniture!

My Hair Dye Doesn’t Match The Furniture.

Well! I went for a short walk yesterday. Minding my own business as you do. It was a quiet, early morning affair, that’s how it started. All was going well, turn left at Pretoria Avenue, down to Holesock Lane and back home. Simple. Until I bumped into Mrs Gripethorpe.

She’s been on the scene for as long as I can remember. Always wants to be the first with the news, well the gossip. If I’d have seen her coming I’d have crossed the road. Too late now, I was cornered. She has the features of a silver back Gorilla. I don’t mean to sound bad, but she really does.

Her Voice Could Shatter Toughened Glass!

From the word go, I knew this short walk was about to turn into something much, much longer. She does talk some rubbish, too. She started by telling me that she’d just come from the hairdressers. Her voice could shatter toughened glass from 200 yards away. Strange this is, she smelt of hairdresser too, if you can understand that. I think it’s hairspray and that perm stuff they use.

I thought that if I could show little attention to her conversation she would quickly let me go. Nope, not a chance. That woman can talk for England and has more hot hair than a balloon with a basket. This is some of the rubbish she comes out with:

“I had a change in hair dye today, not the usual dark chestnut colour. I like my hair dye to match my furniture, but this colour seems to light to me.”

She doesn’t take a breath. Why would she think I would be the slightest bit interested in the colour of her hair or even that it does or doesn’t match her furniture? Even if I was, I couldn’t get a single word into the conversation.

She continued, “My Bert won’t be happy. He will have to sand the sideboard down now and re-coat it with a light oak colour stain. He had to stain it mahogany when I had my hair dyed black.”

On and on she goes. I’m far too polite to just walk away, so I have to listen to this verbal nonsense for a good twenty minutes. It did seem a lot longer. Is it just me that attract these kind of people or do others come across them too? I’d love to know how you deal with them.

I'd love to hear from you

24 Comments
  • Anonymous
    September 15, 2017

    Hahaha I love this story! Her poor son-in-law! Perhaps you could tell her you’re off to buy a new car to match your wife’s purse and can’t chat with her!

  • -Eugenia
    September 15, 2017

    Hilariously realistic!

    • Trev Jones
      September 15, 2017

      Thank you, Eugenia, I’m pleased you like it.

  • Jude
    September 15, 2017

    Brilliant! I do hope she doesn’t change her colour too often, or there won’t be anything left for Mr Gripethorpe to rub down!

    • Trev Jones
      September 15, 2017

      I know, I don’t know how he puts up with it all. Thanks, Jude.

  • Embeecee
    September 15, 2017

    How do I deal with that sort? Who, btw, are attracted to me too for some reason. I’ve had strangers come up and regurgitate their entire lives history for me…unbidden! Strangers and slight acquaintances will tell me long tales of personal things that make me twitch and should by rights make THEM uncomfortable telling to a stranger. I wouldn’t share some of the stuff I’ve heard. So now? I just keep walking and let them struggle to talk or keep up; or if we’re on public transport (like a bus or train or something), I pretend to be hard of hearing and keep interrupting them with “What? I can’t hear you….my hearing is going!” or something equally transparent. It usually puts them off long enough for me to escape.

    • Trev Jones
      September 15, 2017

      Thank you Embeecee. My trouble is I’m always too polite and wouldn’t have the ‘balls’ to make out I can’t hear them.

  • baddadcartoons101
    September 15, 2017

    Sometimes it’s just easier to be polite and let people talk, maybe they get something from it

    • Trev Jones
      September 15, 2017

      That’s what I do. It’s just when it gets to people gossiping about others in a bad way I have to walk away

  • zumpoems
    September 15, 2017

    Thanks for the humor supplement for my hectic day. “That woman can talk for England” that’s an interesting expression.

    When I get in such a situation, I usually listen for a few minutes and then politely advise I have to leave. I know that’s not useful advise, but its how I seem to always deal with such things. πŸ™‚

    • Trev Jones
      September 15, 2017

      Glad you enjoyed it, zumpoems. The positive side to it is that the stories can be very funny, just not at the time of hearing them .

  • wiltdidit
    September 15, 2017

    My mother (English through and through) is famous for accosting strangers with her complaints and what-not. Even when I am WITH her, which I could take as an insult, but somehow don’t.

    • Trev Jones
      September 15, 2017

      I think there must be something about English women and when they get older, will talk to anyone that listens or not about anyone. πŸ™‚

  • Tony
    September 21, 2017

    I used to have a similar problem. I started wearing one of those blue-tooth ear-pieces. It wasn’t linked to anything, but if I saw anyone I didn’t want to speak to, I pretended I was on a call. Used to wave my arms about and swear profusely. Worked for a while.

    • Trev Jones
      September 22, 2017

      Haha, I must remember this one, a great idea.

  • Tish Farrell
    September 21, 2017

    Great yarn, but I have no advice, Trev, short of making a run for it. But I do love this phrase: “more hot hair than a balloon with a basket.”

    • Trev Jones
      September 22, 2017

      Thank you, Tish. Appreciate your comments and glad you like the phrase. πŸ™‚

  • rugby843
    September 22, 2017

    First time I’ve ever heard of dying your hair to match anything, much less furniture! She probably is a lonely old woman who wants anyone to listen. Not that I know of anyone like thatπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    • Trev Jones
      September 22, 2017

      First time I’ve heard of it too. Seems very strange to me, πŸ™‚

  • Leland Olson Hoel
    October 1, 2017

    Thank you for the great day brightener. I needed that real bad. I guess it is a rather large balloon, that has a basket attached to it. You asked about others like that, who goes on and on and on and on. I have a familiar one, just got off the phone with her, my sister-in-law. Is something in the Old Testament about, if your brother dies you take your brother’s wife or something. I’m glad I’m not familiar with the exact Bible verse, I could become a heathen, atheist, agnostic who-knows-what instantly. Se called me, I didn’t talk, no chance!

    • Trev Jones
      October 2, 2017

      Oh dear, Leland. I remember that piece from the bible about taking your brothers wife. I guess some people are born natural talkers and others are natural listeners. πŸ™‚

  • Covert Novelist
    October 3, 2017

    Entertaining and delightful!

    • Trev Jones
      October 4, 2017

      As always, thank you for your kind words and comments




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