Mish Mash For Dinner is my idea of a fun dinner party based on the Seat Guru brief at the Daily Post. I would have 6 guests as the kitchen isn’t big enough to cook for anymore. Let’s dive straight in and add the 6 I would invite.
1] Gordon Ramsay, he’s a must as you know he’ll pull the chef apart.
2] Tony Blackburn, a vegetarian, but there’ll only be meat dishes available.
3] Mr Blobby, he wouldn’t eat anything and he’d be handy to annoy the other guests.
4] Katie Hopkins, she would annoy everyone.
5] Edwina Currie, I’ll give her some maggots to eat as she was good in the jungle, oh and eggs.
6] Donald Trump, and make him feel like he’s not welcome here.
The menu would be, Gazpacho soup, tomato, plop, straight out of the can into the dish and onto the table. I might give Tony Blackburn a beef broth serving.
Gordon Ramsay couldn’t say a thing about it could he? “It’s cold”, yes, “eurgh, cat food!” I’ve never seen a cat eat soup before, but you learn something new every day.
Mr Blobby, “Blobby blobby blobby.”
Katie Hopkins, “This soup is dreadfully cold, don’t you have servants that can warm it up?” Nope, you stupid, half wit woman!
Edwina Currie chipping in, “I thought you only eat chips this far north of London.”
Donald Trump, “Do you have any hair spray?”
It wouldn’t be long before Mr Blobby gets on everyone’s nerves. He’s probably a good guest to refrain Katie Hopkins from making her usual non-sensical remarks, interrupting her every word with “blobby blobbly blobby,” and he’ a very useful table waiter to boot. He would have all the panache of a Mrs Overall delivery with the Gazpacho soup. So what will be the main course?
I think I would serve one of those dishes they constantly show on the master chef programmes on TV, you know the ones, where there’s a tiny piece of meat in the middle, garnished with one miniscule string bean and a squirt of that chocolate sauce stuff in a neat squiggle at the side of the plate. Enough to feed an army of fruit flies! Even Mr Blobby would have trouble dropping this lot on the floor, it’s so tiny.
How the conversation over dinner would go, or what the subject matter would be can only be imagined, but I think we know that Gordon Ramsay is bound to chastise the chef.
“Where’s the chef?, this is just eurg, f***ing cat food, OMG, it’s under cooked, the sauce is vile and everything is covered in Garlic, eurgh, eurgh, where’s the f***ing chef? This meat is under cooked, WHERE’S THE CHEF!!” Well excuse me Mr Ramsey, but the meat is that small if it would have been cooked any longer it would have evaporated.
As for the seating plan, I think it would be, Katie Hopkins sat next to Mr Blobby, Tony Blackburn with Edwina Currie and Gordon Ramsay with Donald Trump. Ramsay and Trump could discuss their Scottish ancestry and hairspray, while Tony (Hi Popickers) Blackburn and Edwina Currie might slope under the table after a while, not half. I think Katie Hopkins would manage to insult and then bore the pants off Mr Blobby and he’d end up smothering her, so she couldn’t say another word for the rest of the evening.
I think it would be quite an entertaining dinner party with the selection of guests and we’d probably never make it to the desert!