My Hair Dye Doesn’t Match The Furniture.
Well! I went for a short walk yesterday. Minding my own business as you do. It was a quiet, early morning affair, that’s how it started. All was going well, turn left at Pretoria Avenue, down to Holesock Lane and back home. Simple. Until I bumped into Mrs Gripethorpe.
She’s been on the scene for as long as I can remember. Always wants to be the first with the news, well the gossip. If I’d have seen her coming I’d have crossed the road. Too late now, I was cornered. She has the features of a silver back Gorilla. I don’t mean to sound bad, but she really does.
Her Voice Could Shatter Toughened Glass!
From the word go, I knew this short walk was about to turn into something much, much longer. She does talk some rubbish, too. She started by telling me that she’d just come from the hairdressers. Her voice could shatter toughened glass from 200 yards away. Strange this is, she smelt of hairdresser too, if you can understand that. I think it’s hairspray and that perm stuff they use.
I thought that if I could show little attention to her conversation she would quickly let me go. Nope, not a chance. That woman can talk for England and has more hot hair than a balloon with a basket. This is some of the rubbish she comes out with:
“I had a change in hair dye today, not the usual dark chestnut colour. I like my hair dye to match my furniture, but this colour seems to light to me.”
She doesn’t take a breath. Why would she think I would be the slightest bit interested in the colour of her hair or even that it does or doesn’t match her furniture? Even if I was, I couldn’t get a single word into the conversation.
She continued, “My Bert won’t be happy. He will have to sand the sideboard down now and re-coat it with a light oak colour stain. He had to stain it mahogany when I had my hair dyed black.”
On and on she goes. I’m far too polite to just walk away, so I have to listen to this verbal nonsense for a good twenty minutes. It did seem a lot longer. Is it just me that attract these kind of people or do others come across them too? I’d love to know how you deal with them.