My Own Mortality

Posted on 3 min read

I’ve been to far too many funerals of late and it’s got me thinking about my own mortality. When my time comes, who will say a few words about me? Will they be kind and funny or serious and can’t think of anything to say? Not that I will be too worried at the time. However, one thought crossed my mind that I thought I would share with you.

Too Far For My Friends

Now I’m living in Wales, most of my friends and relatives remain nearly a hundred miles away in Birmingham. Well, those that are still alive do. What if it’s too far for any of them to travel for my final farewell? Perhaps I will outlive everyone and there’ll be no one left to say anything! So many worries and concerns that I never had in my life. Then something occured to me. Perhaps ‘my friends on Facebook’ (said with eyes rolling around my head) might write some nice things in my memory? Can you imagine that?

The Messages

I’ve been through some of the messages I’ve received over the years on Facebook and this is how I think they might write a few words of praise for the vicar or whoever carries out my service.

Dear Terv, sorry you dead. You are missed my dear, love from Gloria in Ghana.

Hey Jones, much sorrow that you’re no more. If someone can send me you bank details complete with password I will make donation to your funeral expense. Please get someone do it now. Mr Muganba Muwanga, Botswana Federal Bank.

My Dear Trevor Jones, I am sad that you have gone, I would liked to marry you. I have 6 children, 2 girls and 1 boy. It is my wish that I erected a statue for you in Mutambili Square in Lagos. Please can someone send me money to build it.

Dear Jones, how sad am I that you have gone but not forgotten. You can leave message for me by calling this number 07865735246672 and telling me your banking details so I can donate you lots of money for your family. Mr S.K.Mowangbe, Uganda

Mr Trev, I heard you have dead. I am naming my new donkey in honor of you memory. I call him Stanley in your memory. Thank you. Is it possible that you could leave me money for food for Stanley, please, thank you.

I’m Not Planning On Going Yet

It’s ok, I’m not planning on going anywhere for a long time to come yet. What I’ve learnt down the years is that our worries change with the passing of time. Years of worrying about mortgages, employment security, building up a pension suddenly fade into the distance. Worrying over my bald patch is my main concern these days! I hope I haven’t offended anyone with my words of praise, but these are genuine messages which I’ve only slightly altered. It wouldn’t be the best of send offs would it? Then again, it would give people a good laugh which is something I would like.

I'd love to hear from you

23 Comments
  • Ken Brown
    October 2, 2018

    Excellent stuff, Trev. Funerals tend to lend themselves to humour – intended or otherwise. Very glad to hear you have no plans in that department.

    Only a few months back a gentleman I knew passed away. He had been in a wheelchair for years – only able to move his eyes but he had one hell of a sense of humour. His coffin was wheeled into the service to the accompaniment of The Jam’s “Going Underground”. Not so much a message as a statement of intent!

  • Anonymous
    October 2, 2018

    Hahaha you really gave me a good laugh!

  • Invisibly Me
    October 3, 2018

    I feel so awful chuckling at these, but you really would have thought people would come up with more believable ways to rip you off and steal your money! Thinking about mortality is a difficult one, and I think that a dose of good humour helps take the edge off it. I do have a few thoughts on my tombstone, however, for when the time comes for me :
    “I told you I was sick”.
    “If you’re reading this, your standing on my boobs”.

    I’m also going to have it hooked up to free wi-fi so people visit me more often 😉

    Caz x

    • admin
      October 3, 2018

      Lol, Caz. Glad it made you chuckle.

  • Sue W
    October 3, 2018

    I loved your post Trev and I’m delighted you have no plans to leave us just yet.

    One of my husband’s favourite pieces, and long before the ‘Apprentice’ used it, was by Prokofiev from Romeo and Juliet. We used this for his dramatic entrance into the church for his funeral service. This had everyone smiling, and the service continued with humour throughout.

    My daughter told how I’d written a message at the chapel of rest and because I inadvertently missed out the word ‘at’ it now reads Finally…Peace!
    I’ve never heard such loud laughter in church before!

    No sad hymns either we sang rousing hymns during the service but we finished with an odd one for the exit.
    A couple of days before his death we attempted to discuss the music he would like for his funeral, he thought for a minute, smiled and said “How about Jesus wants me for a sunbeam!”

    I don’t think he was serious, and we laughed with him and then said “Right mate, Sunday school it is, that’s what you’re getting!” 😀

    https://youtu.be/lBwbl2sTbQ4

    • admin
      October 3, 2018

      I love that people are seemingly more and more taking funerals and loved ones passing in a less serious way. I feel it should always be a celebration of their life as opposed to losing them. Yes, we are sad, but I think a bit of humour always helps. Thank you, Sue.

  • Yvonne KT
    October 3, 2018

    Thanks, have a good day.

    • admin
      October 3, 2018

      Thank you

  • Hope
    October 4, 2018

    Mr Silly Old Sod sorry to hear you have left us on earth. Please keep an eye on all your fellow bloggers from above. Especially me since I’m more bonkers than most. Miss you! 🌼🌺🌷❤

    • admin
      October 4, 2018

      Thank you, Hope. I shall still be blogging from beyond! I shall put a good word in for you 😀

  • rugby843
    October 4, 2018

    No funeral for me, a cardboard box put in an incinerator is all. I prefer to remember people as they were, alive. If I like or love you, I’ll tell you then. Btw, I like you!☺️

    • admin
      October 4, 2018

      Thank you, Rugby. I’m glad you like me 😀

  • inesephoto
    October 8, 2018

    Oh these messages are so funny 🙂 Thank you for the laugh.

    • admin
      October 8, 2018

      Thank you very much, inesephoto, glad you liked them and they gave you a laugh.

  • Dave Kingsbury
    October 8, 2018

    They can read this one out for free, no strings attached: Trev gave us all a good laugh!
    One piece of advice – resist the temptation to wear a wig!

    • admin
      October 8, 2018

      I like it Dave, thank you very much 🙂

  • txjessy
    October 9, 2018

    Lol, with technology, we will soon be attending funerals, weddings, school and any event with those VR head gear, (whatever they are called) :). Then we wouldn’t have to worry about these messages.

    • admin
      October 9, 2018

      Thankyou, txjessy, that’s a great response. 🙂

  • zumpoems
    October 12, 2018

    Loved this!!! Thanks for making me laugh!

    • admin
      October 12, 2018

      Thank you, zumpoems, glad you enjoyed it.

  • Heide
    October 12, 2018

    Nothing at all strange or suspicious about wanting to marry a chap who has just died. LOL, Trev!

    • admin
      October 12, 2018

      Exactly!! Thank you, Heide.




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