Not My Socks

By Posted on 30 Comments 3 min read

We were reminiscing earlier about my mother, who left this earth quite a few moons ago now. She had a sense of humour that at times could be quite cutting, yet other times, very funny. Which led us to the story of ‘not my socks.’

Bargain Hunt

Like most women, she loved shopping and was always on the lookout for a bargain. Sometimes, she would come home with some utter junk that was no good to anyone. Her answer was always, “Ah, but it was a bargain.” For example, a goldfish bowl that you hang on the wall!! It was made from perspex and shaped like a ‘polo mint’, but the back was flat so it would hang flush against the wall. What she didn’t realise was, you had to fill the bath to the brim and submerge this piece of junk to fill it up. Many occasions, I heard my Dad coming down the stairs and as he reached the bottom step, there would be a loud ‘berlooop’ followed by some expletives and him going back to the bathroom to repeat the process. Sometimes it would take him 3 or 4 tries.

Kevin

I think I must have been around 50 when she gave me the socks as part of a Christmas present. No doubt, she had found them while bargain hunting as there were about 6 pairs. Unwrapping them and feeling pleased as I needed socks, I soon realised that they had a name on them. Kevin!! Who the heck’s Kevin? After 50 years of being her son, you would think she would remember my name was Trevor. She said I could always change my name by Deed Poll. What? Just so I could wear these socks bearing the name Kevin? Mind you, it has given us a laugh down the years and my daughters still think it’s hilarious. I don’t think I ever wore those socks and if the truth be known, they probably ended up in a local charity shop where hopefully a local Kevin will have purchased them.

Haircutter

I don’t think I should mention the plastic, lethal-looking self hair cutting tool she bought. Another bargain, another piece of unnecessary junk. As I was the youngest in the family, I was also the ‘guinea pig’. So, at the age of about 7, I had my first and last home haircut with this contraption. Although there was a blade in it that passed through a comb-like edge, it didn’t cut but rather ripped the hair from my head. Literally, it left a huge bald spot, which isn’t a great look for an up and coming wannabe ‘Mod’. My Mother, bless her, stopped as soon as the screaming started, but the damage was done. The revolutionary haircutting tool was destined for the trash, along with most of my hair. I had to wear a cap for the next month or so and I don’t think I spoke to anyone for a month.

Lethal Hair Cutter
Lethal Hair Cutter

Poor Fish

As for the goldfish bowl that hung on the wall, that ended in the dustbin too. On a visit to see my Mother, I found one fish on the back of the armchair, completely lifeless. I don’t know if they had tried to escape the thing or just fell out. We never did find the other fish. We all decided it was best not to replace them and with a wink of an eye from my Dad, the bowl disappeared for good. Another bargain bites the dust.

And I never was any good at learning from mistakes, as this video shows, nearly 50 years after the first home haircutting disaster!

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30 Comments
  • Sarah Angleton
    March 4, 2020

    Great stories!

    • Trev
      March 4, 2020

      Thank you, Sarah. 🙂

  • JessicaMarieBaumgartner
    March 4, 2020

    I love this so much

    • Trev
      March 4, 2020

      Thank you, Jessica, I appreciate your kind words.

  • Invisibly Me
    March 4, 2020

    Why am I already contemplating checking eBay for a wall-hung, Polo-shaped goldfish bowl? It actually sounds pretty cool, albeit impractical! Your mum sounds like she was a very special lady, a one of a kind gem that I would have loved. Almost as much as that video, bloody loved it! Sorry, Kevin, but it is funny 😂😂😂😂

    • Trev
      March 4, 2020

      Thank you, Caz. Don’t buy the polo shaped one whatever you do. Your life will never be the same again. Lol 😀

      • librepaley
        March 4, 2020

        I remember that hair trimmer! Bizarrely, think they were also to thin the hair?

        • Trev
          March 4, 2020

          It certainly thinned my hair out!! 😀

  • Yetismith
    March 4, 2020

    You make me laugh Trevor. I actually have one of those “do-it-yourself” hair cutting tools! I use it to trim the back of my very short hair, but you do have to be careful. I made a right mess of things once but as I can’t see the back of my head, it didn’t worry me. Till I thought to use a hand mirror. Oh dear!

    • Trev
      March 4, 2020

      Thank you, Yeti. Yes, you have to be very careful especially on the top of your head. Mind you, I haven’t much hair left now, so it might be a little easier to use if I ever decided, which I doubt. 🙂

  • Tanya Sheik
    March 4, 2020

    Sorry for your mum. Keep going. 😊✌

    • Trev
      March 4, 2020

      Thanks, Tanya, it’s ok, just remembering her sense of humour. 😀

  • jimflanigan
    March 4, 2020

    Nice post, Kevin.

    • Trev
      March 4, 2020

      Lol, thank you, Jim. 😀

  • Anonymous
    March 4, 2020

    Love these stories Trev X

    • Trev
      March 4, 2020

      Thank you very much. 🙂

  • moonraylight
    March 4, 2020

    Oh my I truly love this!! It is funny and yet so true and bittersweet…You made me recall such strange, unusual but cute memories that made my late childhood quite remarkable <3

    • Trev
      March 4, 2020

      Thank you, Moonraylight, I’m glad you enjoyed it. 😀

  • Peter's pondering
    March 4, 2020

    That do it yourself hairdresser looks as though it doubles as a do it yourself finger lopper when you try to change the blade!

    • Trev
      March 4, 2020

      Sounds about right, Peter. 🙂 Thank you

  • The Hinoeuma
    March 5, 2020

    Good lord…

  • Anonymously Hal
    March 5, 2020

    Okay… The post made me smile pretty damn hard. I loved it!! Then I got to the video!!! 🙂 Thank you for that!! Hope your next haircut is better!!! 🙂

    • Trev
      March 5, 2020

      Thank you Anonymously Hal, glad it gave you a laugh. My haircut is better now, thank you. 😊

  • SueW
    March 6, 2020

    Oh, I absolutely loved this post, Trev. And i think I would have loved your mum! 🙂

    • Trev
      March 6, 2020

      Thank you, Sue. I never met anyone who didn’t like her, although sometimes her wit was so sharp it could cut. 😊

  • Dave Kingsbury
    March 6, 2020

    The haircut video was hilarious, Trev, and I enjoyed in a different way your reminiscences – often a person is best evoked through particular objects and associations like that,

    • Trev
      March 7, 2020

      Thank you, Dave I appreciate your kind words. 🙂

  • Lara/Trace
    March 7, 2020

    Thank you the laughter – you are so funny!

    • Trev
      March 8, 2020

      Thank you, I’m glad it made you smile 😊

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